USVI

My second night in the USVI, I am sitting in the living room with Eric. Sara Jane is at work. Eric says, “Greg did you see that spider? Help me catch it.” I look to my left and get a glimpse of a huge spider, at eye level, less than 24” away, and racing across the wall. It darts into the corner behind the TV stand. OK, huge is an understatement. The body is a bit larger than the size of a Susan B Anthony and the legs are about twice as long as the body’s diameter. Yes folks, that is correct, it has about a 4 inch wingspan. So, as I’m processing the size and speed of this devil Eric offers, “Be careful cause these guys can really jump? I don’t know how they get in. It must be through the windows”

In order to have the full picture you need to know that both Sara Jane and Eric are vegan/PETA folks. I’m thinking I need to arm myself with a shoe, newspaper, handgun, or whatever. I NEED A WEAPON. Eric on the other hand plans to do battle with a mere plastic Tupperware bowl and matching lid. He is entering this fatal confrontation with the prevailing thought, THE SPIDER SHALL NOT BE HARMED.

OK, back to the action. The TV stand is in the corner with the killer spider ready to attack behind it. I’m on the right of the stand, Eric is on the left. He is armed (relatively speaking). I’m the weaponless military adviser if you will. The spider makes the first move and dashes across the wall, towards me!! I make a strategic fall back yelling, “There it is!” thus fulfilling my observer roll. Then the beast jumps at least three feet directly towards me and lands on one of Erik’s large house plants. Note, Eric is Mr. green thumb with plants all over the place inside and out. Dude is amazing, he deftly sandwiches the killer inside the plastic bowl and lid. We apply duct tape as a security precaution just in case, hop in the truck, and release the POW about a ½ mile from the house.

Some final comments:

• The three weeks I’ve been here and I have helped Eric catch and release two rats in this same fashion. We had to up size our weaponry to a large box but the strategy was the same. Rats were easy, the spider showed no fear.
• The dog has been no help on any of these spider/rat campaigns.
• I need to do laundry but, there is a big ass scorpion hanging out in the dirty closes pile. hmmm these shorts are good for another day.