Current Standings

You would think that after 3 weeks away from work I would have mellowed and relaxed. Yeah right. I have had time to reflect on things and it is funny but I keeping ending on the same question I've been struggling with for over 30 years. For you old DD players and religious type I'm a good person, perhaps chaotic at times. I don't lie, steal or cheat. I befriend folks in need and in general I'm helpful and would give away my last dollar. This isn't because I have any great belief in Heaven and all of that crap. I just find it makes me feel good to be a good person. The problem is to live in the US society you can't be that way. Hell I don't know maybe all of western culture is like this? In the US, capitalism is king. You need to hustle, scam and be a player. This it true from 8 ballers up to MBA's, it sucks. I know to be successful, in the US, that is the way it is. It just turns my stomach. Part of the reason I quit my job. If I have to be a cut throat asshole I need/must get more than monetary satisfaction out of it. I have the mental HP to do it I just don't have the constitution to do it and be happy. I remember realizing in the 4th grade that it is the way it is and crying about it. Being smart and perceptive has its own problems at a young age. Even still I fell into that get an education be a worker capitalism crap. Remember the wealthy needs workers, and the poor, to be rich. Because you can't have either one without the other. The above is old history and fact. I now there must be another way? WHAT IS IT?. That is the question and the search. I'm not going back, but I don't know where to go? The hunt is on. I think I know where to look. I don't think it is in the material/physical realm.

Enough, peace out