Why I shave my head

In various circles, I have given several reasons for the current bald "look" I exhibit these days. 1. Michael Jordan has retired so I need to carry on in his image. 2. In my family, we have the island hair loss pattern. The hairline recedes in the corners leaving a small "isle of hair" in the middle of your head. Last Christmas my younger brother (by seven years) had achieved the full island effect. Boy, did I give him shit. To avoid any future retaliation from brother I just shaved it all off.

Those being great bullshit reasons, I must come clean with the real story. I used to cut my own hair. It was easy I had a pair of clippers and I would just put the plastic guide on and cut my hair. Kind of like mowing the lawn, adjust the wheel height and go. Well, the clippers were fairly inexpensive (cheap) from Sears. And after about 6 or 7 years they where starting to get dull. Dull clippers with kinky hair sucks. Yes, I have real tight kinky hair. Not the type that makes great "fros" the real tight stuff that u just cut short and forget about it. Anyway, the clippers started to do more snagging and pulling than cutting. Well in typical G-Daddy fashion, I started pricing a new pair of clippers. Sears didn't sell them anymore maybe mail order but I didn't check. (hmmm internet that is an idea) Checked K-mart, Wal-Mart, and Freddie’s they had them but nothing really struck me. Yeah I know, …what about clippers ever strikes anybody? Whatever I didn’t, buy any.

So the next time I start cutting my hair the bastards start pulling like crazy and I get fed up. Being the engineer, I figure I have a good diamond stone to sharpen my camping knife, soooo I'll sharpen my clippers. Engineers can logically justify taking anything apart. So, with the clippers now apart G-Daddy sharpens the blades. During the process of sharpening the blades, the plastic height adjustment guide drops to the floor and is stepped on by somebody? It kind of breaks. But if you hold it just right, with index and fore fingers on one side and with the thumb on the other side you can hold the guide while the clippers are cradled in the crook between the thumb and index finger. Easy. OK so I reassemble the clippers, and proceeded to cut hair. The sharpening was in concept only, bastards still pulled and snagged my hair. Somehow, during a most severe snag, my index finger slips causing a slight fluctuation of the pressure required to hold the plastic guide in place.

Well needless to say the guide pressure fluctuation causes major guide misalignment (the guide falls to the floor) that exposes the clipper cutting edge. Operator overcompensation for the encountered snag resistance brings the exposed clippers dangerously close to the operator's scalp. Yes the result is a 20-25 square mm bare patch. So now its like 11:30pm and I have two options go to Wal-Mart or shave it all off. I shave it all off. Refer to reasons 1 and 2 above. Of course, this has led to several interesting observations;

• Hot showers on a bald head feel great ...woo hoo!!
• Some women love it others hate it. I guess those cancel each other out.
• For the first time in my life my mom and dad have said, "Let your hair grow back!"
• Watch out for eyebrows when shaving your head in the shower. (Eyebrows grow back in about 3 weeks).
• The scalp stubble has a velcro effect when pulling shirts over head so go with the grain