Why I shave my head

In various circles, I have given several reasons for the current bald "look" I exhibit these days. 1. Michael Jordan has retired so I need to carry on in his image. 2. In my family, we have the island hair loss pattern. The hairline recedes in the corners leaving a small "isle of hair" in the middle of your head. Last Christmas my younger brother (by seven years) had achieved the full island effect. Boy, did I give him shit. To avoid any future retaliation from brother I just shaved it all off.

Those being great bullshit reasons, I must come clean with the real story. I used to cut my own hair. It was easy I had a pair of clippers and I would just put the plastic guide on and cut my hair. Kind of like mowing the lawn, adjust the wheel height and go. Well, the clippers were fairly inexpensive (cheap) from Sears. And after about 6 or 7 years they where starting to get dull. Dull clippers with kinky hair sucks. Yes, I have real tight kinky hair. Not the type that makes great "fros" the real tight stuff that u just cut short and forget about it. Anyway, the clippers started to do more snagging and pulling than cutting. Well in typical G-Daddy fashion, I started pricing a new pair of clippers. Sears didn't sell them anymore maybe mail order but I didn't check. (hmmm internet that is an idea) Checked K-mart, Wal-Mart, and Freddie’s they had them but nothing really struck me. Yeah I know, …what about clippers ever strikes anybody? Whatever I didn’t, buy any.

So the next time I start cutting my hair the bastards start pulling like crazy and I get fed up. Being the engineer, I figure I have a good diamond stone to sharpen my camping knife, soooo I'll sharpen my clippers. Engineers can logically justify taking anything apart. So, with the clippers now apart G-Daddy sharpens the blades. During the process of sharpening the blades, the plastic height adjustment guide drops to the floor and is stepped on by somebody? It kind of breaks. But if you hold it just right, with index and fore fingers on one side and with the thumb on the other side you can hold the guide while the clippers are cradled in the crook between the thumb and index finger. Easy. OK so I reassemble the clippers, and proceeded to cut hair. The sharpening was in concept only, bastards still pulled and snagged my hair. Somehow, during a most severe snag, my index finger slips causing a slight fluctuation of the pressure required to hold the plastic guide in place.

Well needless to say the guide pressure fluctuation causes major guide misalignment (the guide falls to the floor) that exposes the clipper cutting edge. Operator overcompensation for the encountered snag resistance brings the exposed clippers dangerously close to the operator's scalp. Yes the result is a 20-25 square mm bare patch. So now its like 11:30pm and I have two options go to Wal-Mart or shave it all off. I shave it all off. Refer to reasons 1 and 2 above. Of course, this has led to several interesting observations;

• Hot showers on a bald head feel great ...woo hoo!!
• Some women love it others hate it. I guess those cancel each other out.
• For the first time in my life my mom and dad have said, "Let your hair grow back!"
• Watch out for eyebrows when shaving your head in the shower. (Eyebrows grow back in about 3 weeks).
• The scalp stubble has a velcro effect when pulling shirts over head so go with the grain

Findings of Facts

Woo Hoo I’m back home.

Note the temperature is 15 degrees F. outside and snow is on the ground. I did some soul searching while in the USVI. Actually, more like "Findings of Facts" I just sorted out what I like and what I want. U’ll notice that the "Conclusions of Law" are not formulated yet. In keeping with the litigious metaphors, I’m still formulating the final opinions for the court.

I want to do something else.
I have gotten some static from my peers and friends regarding this so-called "mid-life crisis. Well it isn’t a crisis. Dudes and dudettes I am not working 30 years doing the same crap, as a consulting engineer, for the same firm. The year isn’t 1905, it is 2005, nobody should be expected do the same thing for 30 years anymore. I can’t abandon engineering completely I need the money but, due to my non-compete clause I’m exiled from engineering in Alaska for the next two years. I pity the fool that exiles me from my hometown. Duh does the Count of Monte Cristo ring a bell.

I’m out of money by January.
Jesus this sucks soooooo bad. Arrrrgggg I fucking hate jobs. Meaning that I’m going to have to get a real job by January. In order to obtain said job by January; I need to start looking now! Double yuk, it has been over 10 years since I looked for a job. I’m gonna fight this one until the last cent on my debit card, because this may mean I have to move to WA, OR, or the dreaded CA. I need to do something in Alaska that pays royalties; paint, write, invent, music. Yes I’m still attempting the watercolors, in fact I hand painted post cards from the USVI. God, please bless me with some artistic/creative talent. Was that a prayer? Did you see "The Life and Death of Peter Sellers" movie were he had to go back to Blake Edwards and make one last Pink Panther movie cause he was out of money? It is just like that for me.

I want to get a Volkswagen Jetta/Golf TDI and make bio-diesel.
(Road trip, I bet there is a rusty TDI or two in the wreckage of Katrina.). Well the plan is to start a business and refine bio-fuel from WVO. I don’t believe there is enough waste vegetable oil in Anchorage to make a living out of it. So, I’m working on a "green co-op" if you will. Hopefully, there are a few folks locally interested enough to make fuel for ourselves. Then expand into a small-scale ethanol plant (distillery)in Delta Junction, AK. There is a small barley growing area in Delta that does OK if they can keep the buffalo out of it. This won’t happen by 1/1/2006 lol. Also there is a scotch distilling potential here (malted barely and peat). One must always acknowledge the fun/entertainment factor of any new adventure. Perhaps I should go scotch first, then ethanol fuel second.

I like living near the ocean and I want an ocean going boat, 30-40 footer, with twin diesel engines and a cabin that sleeps four.
The ocean dampens the temperature swings and the air just smells better. Basically if 60 percent of the planet is water, we should all have boats not cars. I like fresh fish, crab, shrimp, clams, hell most types of seaweed ya get at sushi and Korean restaurants. Seafood is good and the oceans are life. I wish we, mankind, would stop destroying the oceans. North American west coast boat locations; Prince William Sound, Southeast Alaska, British Columbia (inside Victoria Island), and Puget Sound. The southern tip of Chile, OMG boat heaven.

I want to keep my house in Anchorage, Alaska.
Note, that I am not saying I want to live the rest of my days in Anchorage. I just want a home base to come home to. In reality, I just have too much crap to put elsewhere and don’t want to move it somewhere else. I think I can make a little cash during the tourist season provided I fix all of the minor wear and tear up. I can’t take the thought of a long-term renter. I’m to old and set in my ways for the roommate action but a short-term tourist maybe just the ticket and the money is an order of magnitude greater. Hmmm this calls for a second home, now we’re talking.

Whine Whine Whine. I know compared to ppl in Pakistan, and other troubled places in the world this is all petty. I am OK health wise and have a lot to be thankful for. However/whatever, these are my shallow thoughts of the day for your reading pleasure and comments.